


Scramble and Toast

by boco



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 10:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3646704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boco/pseuds/boco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Early in the meteor journey, Rose has a bit of trouble finding breakfast.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scramble and Toast

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eightbots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eightbots/gifts).



> While the girls are clearly on their way to some kind of confusing polyamorous scramble, this fic is set a little bit before any kind of stable dynamic has established, just when Rose is newly injected into life with the trolls...

Rose sighed softly as she tabbed through the Holodex Registry. Contained within its many pages was every item she'd Alchemized or Lathed since starting the game... a list that was much shorter than she'd hoped. Although there were a few dozen entries, none of them were even remotely what she was searching for.

It was morning--or at least what passed for morning, out here--of her second day on the meteor, and all the excitement had finally worn down enough of her to realize that somewhere between her miraculous dreamself resurrection and her glorious rebirth as a literal god, the game had seen fit to separate her from her sylladex and all its contents. And without the adrenaline of escaping the sessions and meeting their co-conspirators in the flesh for the first time, her body no longer wished to ignore the fact that she had not recently fed it.

Her stomach grumbled. "Shush, I know," she said under her breath, and she tapped the key to begin the alchemization. Aside from the bizarrely blue fruit snacks John had sent over as a healing item, the only foodstuff in her Registry was some organic GMO-free nutrition fiber bar of her mother's which, as she recalled, was so tasteless, inedible, and tough to chew that she'd captchalogued it thinking she could make some kind of impervious armor from it, only relenting when she saw the positively ludicrous grist cost. As it was, even after the hours of grinding she'd endured to climb high enough on her Echeladder to deploy the wicked majyyks for which she was famous, she'd barely collected enough grist to produce a single box.

And now that single box rested in her hands. Her eyes idly roamed the nutrition panel as her hands worked to pry it open and fish one of the foil-wrapped slabs from its prison. At only 90 calories per bar and five bars to a box, these vile sawdust bricks would barely satisfy her until lunchtime, and her grist cache no longer held the multiple millions each of Diamond and Chalk needed to make more. A few quick tugs removed the inedible outer covering from the similarly inedible contents of the first bar, and she took her first bite. Or rather, attempted to, as the presumably ex-plant product did not budge. She adjusted her angle of attack, gripped the bar firmly between her molars, and twisted with her hand, until finally a loud snap echoed throughout the chamber.

For a moment, she wondered whether what had broken was the cereal bar or her teeth.

Finally, the sharp sound ceased its rattling around in her head, only to be replaced with a second: "What the hell was that?" Rose jumped slightly at the interruption, then turned towards her new guest.

The voice was attached to a figure rather taller, sharper, and possessing of far more teeth than Rose had previously imagined possible before meeting her alien tormentors face-to-face. She fought down the feeling of sheer terror that always overtook her whenever her gaze met one of the trolls', but her involuntary surprise melted into a sort of half-smile when she realized it was Terezi. Something in the back of her mind tried to tell her it was rude to stare, but as long as the supposedly blind troll approaching her didn't object (or notice), she figured she had free reign to indulge her senses.

Terezi stood easily a foot over Rose, and was comprised mainly of sharp fangs and disdain, near as Rose could figure. A surprisingly humanlike t-shirt and slacks concealed the majority of her frame, and what skin was visible was mottled, pockmarked gray. Rose had learned just the day before that such skin was as cool to the touch as the granite it resembled, and quite a bit smoother than it looked, a surprising and not unpleasant discovery that had led her mind down certain rather interesting paths. Merely remembering them made color rise to her own skin, and she finally remembered to chew and swallow.

A long sniff broke her reverie. "And what is that thing you're eating? Is that crap what humans eat? No wonder you're all so tiny." The troll extended a hand and Rose shrugged and placed the remnants of the snack in it. Terezi raised it closer to her face and sniffed again, then dropped the bar into her maw and quickly dismantled it with expert precision and teeth much more effective than they had any right to be. She paused for a long moment after swallowing, black tongue twitching back and forth like a cat's tail. "That... was... _disgusting!_ How can you eat that trash?!" Then she held her hand out again for another.

Rose grinned and provided a second helping. "I find they are somewhat more palatable when taken with tea, but believe me when I say I would not eat them given the choice." When Terezi cocked her head to one side inquisitively, she continued. "I seem to have misplaced my sylladex. Also, my domicile. And the planet it was on. This is the only food item whose captcha code I knew."

"Oh, well if it's food you want, you should've just asked! What're you in the mood for? Chalk? Wrigglebug secretions? Cotton candy? Maybe some soda?"

Rose winced as she imagined each item. Obviously there would be plenty of time for cultural exchange during their three-year journey through the void, but for the moment she preferred something a bit more familiar and a bit less entirely made of sugar. "Maybe some eggs on toast?"

"Eggs? I didn't peg you as the egg type! Those are hard to come by, you know!"

Terezi's already intimidating grin seemed to grow a shade... conspiratorial. Rose quickly attempted to nip the line of conversation in the bud before it got anywhere near what she imagined could be behind such a statement. "No, on second thought, it's fine. Can you just give me the codes for some basics and loan me some grist and I'll experiment until I make something edible?"

"Loan you? Doesn't work that way, Lalonde. You can only torrent grist from the people in your own session, and you can't speed up that rate either."

"So... you've been on this meteor for a few days now, haven't you? I'm sure you have a source of grist somewhere or I wouldn't have forseen this as the most fortuitous route."

Terezi's sharp, uncomfortable grin widened. "Oh yes. If it's grist you're after, we have plenty. Vriska and I set something up." A shrill beeping interrupted her, however, and she withdrew a small computing device from somewhere and frowned at it. Rose wondered for a moment if the troll could see after all, as the device made no attempt to communicate its message aloud aside from the initial alarm. "Alas, I have obligations to attend to elsewhere. Here's your shitty captchalogue cards. If you need grist, go find Vriska, she can show you where we set up the trap."

"Trap?"

"Hey, ask her or figure it out yourself. I'm gone."

As Terezi retreated to the transportalizer, Rose frowned. She didn't even have a computer... well, she was right next to an Alchemiter, so she might as well make one. A quick glance over Terezi's proffered cards revealed nothing immediately useful and much immediately disgusting. Rose dutifully slotted each one into the Alchemiter to record its code in her Registry before scrolling over to her Hubtopband. Luckily she had enough Diamond remaining to alchemize that, at least.

As she fired up Pesterchum, her stomach growled again, reminding her of her purpose. She sighed and unwrapped the third bar. She had a feeling this would be a long morning.

*******

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] \--  
  
TT: Good morning, Vriska.  
TT: I hope I'm not interrupting anything.  
TT: I have a favor to ask, if it's not too much trouble.  
AG: Who is this again?  
TT: It must be very difficult for you to keep track of all two of us.  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha! Can't you take a joke?  
TT: Yes, haha.  
TT: My request still stands.  
AG: Fiiiiiiiine. I guess it can't hurt to have you in my de8t.  
AG: Really, I should have come to you first! After all, no matter what certain annoyingly loud portions of our company have to say, I'm the leader of this expedition!  
AG: And as the leader it's my duty, nay, my calling to see that every mem8er of my crew has her incredi8ly dum8 needs met!  
TT: Well, when you put it that way, I can see why the others put so much trust in you.  
AG: I know! Aren't I gr8?  
AG: What did you want, anyway?  
TT: Grist.  
TT: Terezi mentioned that you and she had created some sort of "trap", which I was led to believe would supply me the needed materials for alchemization.  
AG: Oh, yeah. If it's grist you need, we've got plenty!  
AG: The whole thing was my idea, 8y the way.  
AG: I figured we'd 8e out here for a while, so I had Terezi help me set up a perpetual grist generator.  
TT: A... perpetual grist generator.  
AG: Yeah!  
AG: It'd probably be easier just to show you.  
AG: You have to 8e there in person to get the grist anyway.  
AG: Meet me in the transportalizer room in 8 minutes!  
TT: Very well.  
  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

*******

So far, Rose had had only the briefest of encounters with Vriska. During the chaos of the 40-hour human session the two had somehow managed to never talk even once, and she'd only heard of the troll by brief mention. She gathered that Vriska was almost universally disliked, but also universally regarded, similarly to Rose herself, as the driving force behind their game.

Even during their face-to-face meeting the previous evening, Rose had been far too busy greedily drinking in the presence of Kanaya and the charming but sadly fleeting Aradia to pay much attention to Vriska, and the troll didn't seem too interested in being social at the time either. So this would be the prime opportunity to make a memorable first impression, she figured. As she waited, she nibbled on the fourth fiber bar.

Exactly eight minutes later, the transportalizer sounded and Rose turned to face it. She could feel the panic response in her body surge at the sight of the troll, heart thumping loudly and every muscle primed to run given the least excuse. The surge of adrenaline was intoxicating. A lifetime of watching bad slasher films and reading overwrought horror fiction was perhaps the perfect preparation for encountering aliens. She smiled.

Vriska looked rather unkept--at least, by human standards, though it seemed rather par for the course with trolls--and was dressed down in a casual jacket and jeans. Her height barely rivaled Rose's own, and she stood with a slouch, negating any difference there might have been. Her barbed horns were almost concealed by the great tangled mass of black hair which framed her face and cascaded over her shoulders and down her back. Thin, black lips failed to conceal her sharp fangs, a sight that set Rose's heart beating double. But the only truly striking feature about the troll was her eyes: a pale orange, like the other trolls, but flecked with blue; her right eye normal, but her left a misshapen cluster of black points that never quite seemed to focus or follow; and all kept behind overly-large glasses. Rose wondered for a moment whether the unusual appearance was related to some trauma, the oversized glasses designed to help an eye that can't quite move or focus properly to maintain some of its vision... but then Vriska's eyes were upon her, and she realized: no, she was entirely wrong. What she'd thought was a single left eye was in fact seven distinct eyes, and each and every one of them was looking directly at her.

For a moment, her heart stopped.

"Hey," the troll said, breaking the silence.

Rose remembered to breathe.

"H--" She coughed a little. "Hi."

"So. The grist trap is this way." Vriska gestured to one of the other transportalizer pads, then buried both hands in pockets and walked into it, her eight eyes now more interested in the floor than her human companion. Rose's heart rate began to return to normal, and her smile returned; she followed the troll into the portal.

*******

The transportalizer took them to a dimly lit corridor. Or, rather, corridor wasn't the right word, as Rose soon noticed that she couldn't quite see the walls because there weren't any; merely a faintly glowing ceiling above, a narrow walkway below, and infinite blackness on all sides. She briefly wondered how far down the plummet would be should she step off the side, then remembered her newly-apotheosized dream body had many physiological advantages over her old, very dead original one, including the ability to fly, and the morbid curiosity passed.

Vriska walked ahead, still more or less staring at the ground. Although she was barely taller than Rose, her walking pace was significantly faster than Rose was really comfortable with; Rose frowned a bit and hurried after her.

This wasn't really what she was expecting out of a first meeting. She'd have to try something to snap Vriska out of this funk. "So... Vriska?" The only response was a noncommittal grunt. "We've never really talked. Why don't you tell me about yourself?"

Vriska shot her a glance over her shoulder, then returned her gaze to the ground. She did slow her walking pace a bit, though. "I'm sure you heard plenty from Kanaya. You and she talked a lot these last few days, didn't you?"

"Hm. She didn't mention you at all, actually."

"What?!" Vriska stopped and turned towards Rose, eyes wide and face flushed faintly blue. Rose was fairly certain that if she'd been carrying anything in her hands, whatever it was would've vanished into the inky abyss--yet another point in favor of game abstractions.

"You find that surprising?" Rose crossed her arms as she came to a stop a few feet from the troll. Her wry grin returned full force.

"Hell yeah I find that surprising!" Vriska turned towards the abyss and looked like she was about to shout something. A moment later she turned back to Rose. "Maybe I'm not using the words right, but me and Kanaya are totally human married."

"Married?" Now it was Rose's turn to be surprised. "That's... disappointing."

Vriska narrowed her eyes. "Disappointing?"

"Well..." Rose gestured for them to continue walking. "I got the impression she was flirting with me, half the time. When she wasn't telling me I was being reckless and trying to stop me from blowing stuff up, at least."

Vriska grew quiet at that, and the two continued in relative silence for a few moments. The walkway became a stairway, and finally a corridor proper, complete with actual walls that had actual doors and things on them. Finally, the troll picked up her head and laughed. "You know, I can't even get mad at that? To be honest, I was a terrible moirail. And the way she socked me one yesterday... you know, I think I'd be okay flipping red for her!"

"She hit you?" Rose stifled a giggle. "Sweet, shy little Kanaya?"

"She's not the only one, you know." Vriska grinned a bit. She began talking and walking more quickly as she continued. "I actually asked your human boy John on a date, too! Then, next thing I knew, he showed up out of nowhere and clocked me even harder than Kanaya had! Here I thought we could get a red thing going, but he was aiming more for black! Well, that's fine too!"

"Wait, John was here?"

"Was is right. The little twerp absconded before I even came to again!" The troll shook her head. "Kanaya, though. I think she might be the coldest badass in our entire species. You know she cut a guy right in half, just before she hit me? I had an on-and-off thing with that guy, too! We were pretty friendly! But you know what?" She stopped and turned to Rose, placing her hand on the human's shoulder. "I didn't want to stop her one bit!" She turned back to the corridor and continued walking. "I guess we weren't that pale for each other in the end."

Rose grew quiet. It was a lot to process. But then again, she'd have three years to do it...

"We're here!" Vriska slapped one hand against the wall, which activated a door. Behind the door was another transportalizer. "Right through there is grist city!!" She turned towards Rose and held one hand out. Rose took it, and the two stepped through together.

*******

"Oh no, oh shit, oh no!!"

Rose pushed past the panicking troll to get a better view of the trap, only to be met with what appeared to be an endless seething mass of black army monsters. They came in all shapes and sizes, from lowly child-sized pawns up through towering knights and rooks who barely fit under the room's ceiling. Almost as one, they turned towards the two intruders.

"Not precisely what I had in mind, but it'll do." Rose reached for her strife deck, thankfully spared of whatever calamity befell her sylladex, and materialized her Quills of Echidna. "I'll take care of the trash. Why don't you go shut off the source?"

"Jeez! Fine!" Vriska's clothing shimmered for a moment, then burst into God Tier orange, a perfect match for Rose's. Cerulean blue fairy wings sprouted, then unfurled from her back. Rose pointed with one wand in the direction Vriska had faced, assuming it was the right one, and unleashed a torrent of majyyk. The lesser black army soldiers in its way evaporated into grist, and the others pushed back, clearing a line; Vriska lept forward, flying just a few feet above the ground, and used the opening to shoot ahead. Rose followed after at a slower pace, picking off the pawns as she went and dodging around the larger foes while collecting the grist they dropped.

Soon enough the two met again, as Vriska faced two towering Knights. The horse-faced carapaceans stood easily twenty feet tall, and each was armed with a mighty axe. One swung for the troll, who deftly slid out of the way; the weapon smashed through a giant glass tube behind her, spraying sharp shards and greenish fluid throughout the chamber. Before the second could act, Vriska was upon it: she tossed forward her Fluorite Octet, and while the resulting explosion failed to incapacitate the beast, it was knocked backwards with enough force to impact the metal wall. Vriska used the opening to dash towards the replication machine's console and tap a few commands. Rose, seeing that her partner's reprieve was only temporary, lept up to the nearer of the two's shoulders and neatly plunged her needlewands into the creature's bulging neck muscles, followed by an electrifying energy that fried the beast from within. It collapsed into grist, and she rolled to her feet and turned to face the remaining Knight, now recovering from Vriska's earlier attack. "So, wasn't there supposed to be some sort of trap involved?"

"Shut up!!" Vriska tapped a sequence on the control panel which cut the power to the remaining tubes. "There totally was a trap like, two days ago! The monsters spawn over there," she vaguely gestured towards a small raised dais, "and then they get crushed and lasered and fried and spiked, and then the grist gets blown over to the transportalizer by the giant fan!"

The fan in question chose that very moment to whirr into life. Just as suddenly, a piercing shriek erupted from behind the two, accompanied by the smell of sulphur and ozone. Rose whirled in time to see the second Knight being sliced into small pieces by a pair of laser turrets, now conspicuously hanging from the ceiling. And not a moment later, a third dropped down and took aim right at her.

Rose rolled just in time to dodge the initial shot, but then was thrown off-balance as the floor split apart and what looked like a fire hydrant emerged from it. She got to her feet and backed away mere moments before the fire hydrant revealed that, no, those taps on either side were not actually for water, but rather for six-foot jets of flame, and also, the hydrant itself was not so much anchored to the floor as it was tethered to a track along which it moved as it spun to fire flame in all directions. The flame-tower thankfully was slower than Rose's scramble, and she dived into the relative safety of the opposite side of the console before getting any more than just uncomfortably warm. "Okay! Traps! I see! You can turn them off now!"

"No, I can't!" Vriska jabbed at the controls a few more times while ducking a second laser blast. "None of the stupid controls are working!" Her final frustrated noise gave way to a yelp as she lept over the device to join Rose just as a giant saw-blade embedded itself in the console right where she had been standing. A crackle of electricity soon gave way to an acrid smoke, and any hope the control panel could help them stop the mechanical onslaught was just as broken as the controls themselves.

"I suppose we'll have to brave the gauntlet back to the transportalizer."

"Are you kidding?" Vriska laughed, almost madly. "Terezi and I designed these traps. We're expert level FLARPers! I'm the best Clouder the West Alternian League ever saw! There's no way we'll make it through!"

"Then we'll just have to find a way, shan't we?" Rose's smile returned. Truly, _this_ was her element.

*******

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--  
  
GA: Terezi Have You Seen Rose  
GC: NO  
GC: 1 C4N S4Y W1TH 4BSOLUT3 C3RT41NTY TH4T 1 H4V3 N3V3R S33N ROS3  
GC: OR 4NY OTH3R 34RTH HUM4N  
GA: Oh Right  
GA: Please Forgive Me  
GA: I Should Have Had The Foresight To Know You Would Be Sensitive To Such An Unsightly Remark  
GA: I Understand Now That If We Are To Share A Common Vision I Will Need To Take A Good Hard Look At Myself  
GA: And Keep An Eye Out For Such Language In The Future  
GC: >:O  
GC: K4N4Y4  
GA: Yes  
GC: 4R3 YOU M4K1NG FUN OF M3  
GA: Yes  
GC: GOOD! B3C4US3 TH3S3 S1GHT PUNS 4R3 GR34T  
GC: 1 W1LL H4V3 TO R3M3MB3R TH3M FOR L4T3R  
GA: Thank You  
GA: Now To Return To The Matter At Hand  
GC: Y3S YOU W3R3 TRY1NG TO F1ND TH3 FLOR4L HUM4N  
GA: Right  
GA: Have You Seen  
GA: Or Rather Encountered Her  
GA: Recently  
GC: W3 M3T 1N TH3 4LCH3M1T3R ROOM M4YB3 TWO HOURS 4GO  
GA: Do You Have Any Idea Where She Went After That  
GA: Shes Not Responding On Trollian  
GC: SH3 S41D SH3 W4NT3D SOM3 GR1ST  
GC: SO 1 S3NT H3R TO TH3 GR1ST TR4P  
GA: Why Dont I Feel Like Thats The End Of It  
GC: 4LSO SH3 W4SNT P1CK1NG UP ON MY 4DV4NC3S  
GC: SO 1 D1S4BL3D TH3 TR4PS SO SH3D H4V3 TO F1GHT 4 BUNCH OF MONST3RS FOR TH3 GR1ST  
GA: That Doesnt Seem So Bad  
GA: Shes Quite The Capable Combatant  
GC: Y3S SO 1 H34R  
GA: As To Your Earlier Statement  
GA: Precisely What Kind Of  
GA: Advances  
GA: Are We Talking About Here  
GC: OH 1TS NOTH1NG TOO S3R1OUS  
GC: JUST 4 B1T OF H4RML3SS BL4CKFL1RT1NG  
GC: BUT 1 C4NT R34LLY F1GUR3 H3R OUT  
GC: SOM3T1M3S SH3 S33MS R34LLY 1NTO 1T 4ND SOM3T1M3S SH3 S33MS TO H4V3 M1SS3D TH3 PO1NT 3NT1R3LY  
GA: I Was Having A Similar Issue  
GA: Not That I Was Attempting To Flirt Black Or Otherwise  
GA: Or Rather  
GA: Actually  
GA: Were You Aware There Is A Form Of Human Law Whereby One Can Plead Five Times And Henceforth Be Free Of The Requirement To Testify If Such Testimony Would Be Self Incriminating  
GC: H3H3H3  
GC: TH3 PROS3CUT1ON W1LL T4BL3 TH3 MOT1ON BUT 1T M4Y PL34S3 TH3 COURT TO NOT3 TH4T SUCH 4 L1N3 OF QU3ST1ON1NG H4S B33N D1SM1SS3D W1THOUT PR3JUD1C3  
GA: Thank You  
GA: At Any Rate  
GA: You May Have Come Up Against The Human Emotion Called  
GA: Sarcasm  
GA: I Dont Quite Understand It Myself But Some Portion Of A Humans Pitch Bladder Is Wired To Their Cahoots Glands  
GA: So If Its Hate Youre After You Have To Be Extra Careful Or Youll Just End Up Human Friends  
GC: 1 THOUGHT OF TH4T  
GC: TH4TS WHY WH3N SH3S DON3 F1GHT1NG  
GC: 1 H4V3 TH3 TR4PS S3T TO ST4RT UP 4G41N  
GA: You  
GA: What  
GC: 1TS NOT 4 R34L BL4CK PROPOS4L UNL3SS TH3R3S SOM3 BLOOD SP1LL3D  
GA: Arent Those Traps  
GA: Rather Deadly  
GC: TH4TS NOT R34LLY 4 PROBL3M 31TH3R 1S 1T?  
GC: SH3S GOD T13R  
GC: SO SH3 C4NT D13  
GA: Terezi You Will Shut Down Those Traps Immediately Or We Will See How Well You Dont Die To Them Yourself  
GA: Im Going Down There And When I Do There Had Better Not Be A Corpsified Version Of My New Alien Friend  
GA: Whether Or Not It Gets Back Up Afterwards  
GC: F1N3 SH33SH 1LL TURN TH3M B4CK OFF  
GC: 4LSO 1M COM1NG W1TH YOU  
GC 1 W4NT TO S33 HOW W3LL SH3 D1D >:]  
  
\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

*******

Finally, all was silent, save for the heavy breathing of Rose and Vriska, triumphant over the piles of scrap that once were deadly traps. The great fan lay broken, its blades twisted and bent, scattered across the floor. The walls and ceiling were marred by cracks and char from the fighting, and strewn across the room were bits of broken machines and uncollected grist from the remnants of the black army. Somehow, the two of them had made it through without any significant injury.

"You know, Lalonde? You ain't half bad."

"Likewise."

Rose, shaking slightly, passed both needlewands into her left hand and extracted her fifth and final fiber bar with her right. As she tore open its packaging with her teeth, the transportalizer sounded. She spun, left hand ready for battle, only to see the now-familiar silhouettes of Kanaya and Terezi through the haze. She smiled and returned her attention to her breakfast, but just as she was about to take her first, difficult bite, the piercing whine of a laser disintegrated it. She screamed in frustration and lashed out with her majyyks, putting a quick and cruel end to the final turret as well as much of the ceiling it had emerged from.

The three trolls were left in momentary awe of the human girl.

Rose's stomach grumbled once more.


End file.
